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What is confidence anyway?

August 18, 2016

 

People often feel like confidence is a destination, some point or place that they just haven't got to yet. "When I complete this course..." "Once I have that qualification...", "If I could only...". 

 

Have you ever avoided contributing or putting yourself forward due to a fear of getting it wrong. Doubted yourself and stopped yourself doing something just in case it didn't work out. What if you knew you could not fail, would you still lack confidence? If you did not care what others thought, would you lack confidence then? Is our lack of confidence purely down to the fear we might not get it right all the time? 

 

But what is wrong with getting it wrong?

 

What if we were just good enough as we were? Psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott found when studying thousands of mother and baby interactions, just been a 'good enough' mother was what the child needed. It was the sense of connection that given the child the ability to develop, not perfection. The child needs to learn the good and the bad; failure and success, love and pain, right and wrong. These lessons help them build resilience, problem solving skills and an understanding they could only have gained by getting it wrong some of the time. 

 

So at what age do we stop accepting failure as learning and see it only as failure. At what point do we become more concerned about what others will think of us, that we avoid the opportunity to learn. What about we look at this in a different way.

 

What would you need not to have to have confidence?

 

If you believed again there was no failure, only learning. And if you accepted that good enough was what you were aiming for, anything else was an added bonus, would you have arrived at destination confidence?

 

Take a minute now to ask yourself. If I accepted the above to be true would I be more confident?

 

Why not try it for a week and see what you notice. If you want to understand more about what confidence means to you and how to influence this, see our programme Finding Confidence for more details. 

 

 

 

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